January Rant: What is a story?


A story is when you ask someone how was their day. They say that they went to the store and the line was long and some ass decided to pay with a check.




That was a story. There was no buildup. There was no climax. There was no conclusion. They told you their story. It was true. You liked or you didn’t, but you were entertained.




But if you really need it to fit the format of a story. The buildup is that there is a person in front of you. The climax is that they are in front of you. And the conclusion is that there is still a person in front of you. You wanted to hear a story. You were told a story. It was a story.




Fiction stories work the same way. You want to hear a story. You are told a story. Whether or not it fits your expectations of a story. It was a story.




You wanted a story. You got a story. Because it existed, it is true. You liked it or you didn’t. You were entertained. It was a story. Freytag’s triangle can lick my balls. It was a god damned story. Fuck you!


January Poem 3: Speaking in Semicolons

as you can probably tell, i have been to college; you will notice this because i speak in semicolons; for all intents and purposes, semicolons are the same thing as periods; except, you do not have to capitalize the first word of the next sentence;


you do have to be careful when you speak in semicolons because you can end up speaking in run on sentences, but don’t worry; i am interspersing a few periods to keep things clear and understandable; just take my word for it;

January Poem 2

What kind of man puts oil in his beard?

Next thing you are going to be perming it

And coming in Just For Men to hide the gray.


A beard is supposed to be this scraggly thing

Hanging on to the bottom of your face

Pushing out every which way.

It is supposed to be a statement to the world:

Look at me. I am so lazy

That I can’t even run a razor over my face

Before I begin the day.

January Poem 1

I with knives

Slicing criminals’ purse.

Black of pockets

Muttering the word.

Pieces in the darkest parts.

Santa Clause at the Macy’s

With his gun.


Dressed all in black

Except processes

Jenkins was afraid.

The city decided

The mythology around being homeless.

His sign: man himself

Throwing candy.