June Poem 3

My Resume

Willing to send out thousands of resumes and never actually get hired.
Can write sentences that don’t have a subject.
Able to agonize over every interview question causing the interviewer to think that I am an idiot.
Willing to be transracial if it will get me the job.
Willing to sleep my way to the top.
Can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Will spend my time at work filling out applications for better jobs.
Can spend hours on Twitter.
Able to look like I am working while never completing a task.
Work well while under the influence.
Ability to tell dirty jokes in the work environment without getting fired for harassment.
Willing to watch YouTube when I should be working.
Willing to work hard when the boss is watching.

Can fart on command.
They call me the moist maker.
Has knowledge needed to breathe through a snorkel.
Master of Useless trivia.
Willing to bartend for all company parties.

Know how to spell potato.
Can make very timely Dan Quail Jokes.
Able to tweet about fake news at 3 am.
Able to out stupid the current President of the United States.

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June Poem 2

In Ryan Reynolds Trash

 

Spent condoms large enough to fit a king sized camel.

His shitty version of The Green Lantern movie.

The comedy writing team from the movie Deadpool.

His acting career.