Banana Peels and Toothpaste

Josh also told me that he thought he was gonna die the day that I sent him off with a joint of dried banana peels soaked in toothpaste. I told him that it was too harsh to hold in like weed, so he should smoke it as if it were a cigarette. This anecdote is only funny in retrospect, however, because it wasn’t meant as a trick. Money was always in short supply and I had always heard (wrongly) that dried banana peels would get you high.

 

The night before, I ate as many of my mom’s bananas as I could and dried the peels overnight in the oven. The dried peels were so hard that I had to use a knife to cut them into small strips before I could roll them in Joint papers. The peels were hard to get to keep lit and when they were lit they would curl out in a black and red end ripping the end of the paper as sad strands of smoke rose from the diffuse cherry (if you could call it that) making it look like a cigarette load had just blown off the end of your joint. The smoke you sucked out the end tasted bad and burned your throat badly. And to make matters worse, it would not get you high in the slightest. But I had made up a bunch of these bad boys and Josh and his buddy Javier had come over asking me if I had any weed.

 

I told them that all I had were these shitty banana peel joints, but I did know of a trick that actually had worked for me. One night recently when I had been hanging out with my other buddy Josh, we had stopped by Danny’s house and asked him if we could use some toothpaste. This was a gamble because we weren’t sure if Danny or any of the meth smoking adults he lived with even had toothpaste. Lord knows they never used it. But the toothpaste was a sure bet, because this Josh was a little older and he learned about smoking toothpaste when he spent a short stint in rehab. Danny came back out of his house with an unused tube of no name toothpaste. Josh squeezed it out across one side of a Marlboro cigarette making it look like making it look like a long white toothbrush ready for your nightly hygiene rituals. We sent Danny back in with the toothpaste and walked across the street to the dark of the schoolyard hoping that Danny wouldn’t see where we had gone and wouldn’t follow.

 

That toothpaste on that Marlboro had gotten me high as fuck even if I felt like I was going to puke my guts out. So for young Josh and Javier I went to my medicine cabinet and pulled out the Crest Gel and squeezed it across the banana peel joint. It wasn’t the same type of toothpaste but I figured it would work for them.

The Erector Set

My buddy, Josh tells me that I am an asshole. He is wrong. I just like to make jokes. At others’ expense. But he is still wrong.

 

He reminded me of the time that I had gone with him to Jimbo’s house with him. Jimbo had gotten permission from his parents to stay the night at Josh’s house, and we were stopping by to get his things. Jimbo wanted to take his Erector Set with him to Josh’s house, but his parents were strict with his toys (At least the ones they spent money on). So Jimbo scratched out a note on a piece of paper and stuck it onto the fridge with a cheap magnet (Probably a picture of a cat dangling from a rope with a caption saying hang in there).

 

He had written: Mom, I have my Erector set at Josh’s house. His handwriting looked a lot like mine, and Jimbo and Josh had gone into his bedroom to pack his clothes. So I decided to change what he had written, just a little bit. I flipped the paper over to the other side and wrote, trying my best to copy his hand: Mom, I have my erection set in Josh’s mouth.

 

I figured his mom would read it, be somewhat confused, flip the paper over, and read what he had really written. She would understand that it was a joke and that would be that. I know that Jimbo and Josh were such goody buddies that they already seemed goy, but I did not expect she would take this note as an official coming out letter. I was just saying that they were sucking each other’s dicks. There is a difference.

 

This joke would have been funny enough if this were the last I had ever heard of it, but I almost died laughing when Josh told me about Jimbo’s mom showing up at his front door with the note flapping in her hand. Josh learned what an erection was by Jimbo’s angry mother holding her hands apart saying: A big dick. An erection is a big dick.

April Poem 30: NaPoWriMo

Can you have Ron Jeremy

Wolfe’s statue in your life?

He was your bold blood

As thick as the ideological similarities.

 

Typical scholar legalized the higher numbers.

Bring the class back.

Follow everything.

 

An ancient work being grazed from literature.

Tacos roam from discussion.

Mayo on top of dead reasoning.

Accidentally discharged on my left hand.

Cat practicing the think of dreams.

The bell is Mexican because of a curse.

 

She can teach many.

April Poem 29: NaPoWriMo

 

 

The corridors rode slightly back

 

And drew up. Finally,

 

Coffee table again. The smell

 

Related to taxation.

 

Strategy teaches and keeps.

 

Sculpt the dichotomy.

 

 

 

Strategies of beer companies’ Frankish doctor.

 

The symbolic story extends

 

Dick in hand from behind the bar.

 

41 authors reflected what is the purest form of together.

 

April Poem 28: NaPoWriMo

Tennyson’s poem states questions aren’t questions,

Only services.

Calling town the streetwise dupes.

The scrawlings of the bored exploited.

 

Walsh states its name.

Envisioned the deep,

The stone.

 

The poor workers

Having seen glimpses of the grains

Of barley and rye

Of the poor farmers.

 

One dollar girds the increase cooler below.

And at the door stanza

Behavior communicated beyond specialty and field.

The one stanza leaned power.

29 reverends of Camelot towered large caliber actions.

Though the road runs lowered to the camera,

He, the customers, include the name of the city.

 

April Poem 27: NaPoWriMo

If the cornerstone happened

Inviting nature of gold to the communicator,

The bed with all the pillows and the sun

Would begin to peek through

The lace curtains that just happened.

 

I was in a twilight world between

The dying faces of the crowd.

I could conceive other four senses.

 

Because of the after.

Because all is from care.

I tried to keep his son

From glancing up from the paper,

Taking his eyes from the making of a mess.

April Poem 26: NaPoWriMo

Ned heard of pouch.

The rock in the coffee.

Stone differs drastically.

The edge in its simplest.

Subtle form of style.

Feelings of the strings.

Bellow of until.

The store music led.

 

Hopelessness echoing laughter.

Where both he noticed.

Intended stupid was.

The how plays bow.

Most hunter places.

She gave him a good.

Sling he leans.

Steady, himself theme. 

 

He grasps at disconnection.

VW and speed meshed launch.

Force needed to the edge.

The size of allowed energy.

Table spins it at the end.

Sound effects for the most.

Perfectly plays target.

Hard kick to homeless.