Tag: Farts

Most Rhyming Poetry Ever Written

~ The.Richard.Braxton ~ 2 Comments

Life is farting while I’m mowing

Queif and burp a symphony

Let the wind in grass a’growing

Blow like farts all over me.

.

Poems and cats are fornicating

Oddly distant in the past

While the things are complicating

The things I sing about my gas.

.

These things, the things I sing,

Ring and jingle, tingling

Whipping, hissing, snapping, popping,

Piping like a Russian King.

.

And in the end, the world, alas,

Rides like skid stains on my ass.

Beans and Froyo–Limerick

~ The.Richard.Braxton ~ 6 Comments

I know I told you the dog farted

Every time you realized the smell started.

Blaming him was bad,

And you really got mad.

And my dog is now dearly departed.

.

But had you been told it was me

Willy-nilly letting them free,

—But how could you not know

Eating beans and froyo—

Would I also rest under that tree?

***

A limerick is a five-line poem where the first, second, and fifth lines are long and the third and fourth lines are short. There seems to be quite a lot of variation between the examples of limericks that I have seen. But the long lines tend to be eight, nine, or ten syllables in length, and the short lines tend to be five, six, or seven syllables in length. Typically, the three long lines rhyme with each other and the two short lines rhyme with each other. But the rhyme scheme is subject to change on the whim of the poet. Limericks are often humorous poems consisting of a single stanza. However, they don’t have to be funny and limericks can be linked together in multiple stanzas to form a longer poem. If you want to learn more about limericks or any other poetry term, you can check out the Glossary of Poetic Terms at Poetry Foundation here: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/learn/glossary-terms?letter=L

A Fool and His Fart

~ The.Richard.Braxton ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever been farted on

By some fool you barely know

On the first week on your new

Job and now you want to go?

.

You know, not leave, but punch the fool

Right in his stupid looking face,

And kick his stupid looking ass

All over the stupid fucking place.

.

And you had to stop yourself from

It because you knew it wasn’t right.

A fool and his fart ain’t enough

To start a stupid fucking fight.

.

Well, of course it is, but there you

Stood right in the camera’s sight.

This stupid farting fool will have

To wait another fucking night.

Dear Microsoft Office

~ The.Richard.Braxton ~ Leave a comment

Dear Microsoft Office,

The word ‘fart’ is the least offensive of the offensive words I will be writing today. I hope I do not offend your delicate sensibilities. However, you never highlight the word ‘sucks.’ You must have never thought about exactly what I claim you are sucking when I tell you, you suck.

Sincerely,

The Childish Writer Who Likes to Write the Word ‘Fart”