Life is farting while I’m mowing
Queif and burp a symphony
Let the wind in grass a’growing
Blow like farts all over me.
Poems and cats are fornicating
Oddly distant in the past
While the things are complicating
The things I sing about my gas.
These things, the things I sing,
Ring and jingle, tingling
Whipping, hissing, snapping, popping,
Piping like a Russian King.
And in the end, the world, alas,
Rides like skid stains on my ass.
I know I told you the dog farted
Every time you realized the smell started.
Blaming him was bad,
And you really got mad.
And my dog is now dearly departed.
But had you been told it was me
Willy-nilly letting them free,
—But how could you not know
Eating beans and froyo—
Would I also rest under that tree?
A limerick is a five-line poem where the first, second, and fifth lines are long and the third and fourth lines are short. There seems to be quite a lot of variation between the examples of limericks that I have seen. But the long lines tend to be eight, nine, or ten syllables in length, and the short lines tend to be five, six, or seven syllables in length. Typically, the three long lines rhyme with each other and the two short lines rhyme with each other. But the rhyme scheme is subject to change on the whim of the poet. Limericks are often humorous poems consisting of a single stanza. However, they don’t have to be funny and limericks can be linked together in multiple stanzas to form a longer poem. If you want to learn more about limericks or any other poetry term, you can check out the Glossary of Poetic Terms at Poetry Foundation here: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/learn/glossary-terms?letter=L
Have you ever been farted on
By some fool you barely know
On the first week on your new
Job and now you want to go?
You know, not leave, but punch the fool
Right in his stupid looking face,
And kick his stupid looking ass
All over the stupid fucking place.
And you had to stop yourself from
It because you knew it wasn’t right.
A fool and his fart ain’t enough
To start a stupid fucking fight.
Well, of course it is, but there you
Stood right in the camera’s sight.
This stupid farting fool will have
To wait another fucking night.
The full belly and
Fart firework days leading
Up to New Year’s Eve
Bringing out the big guns
The form of cabbage and cornbread.
Don’t be shitty
To your farts or you might just
Push them out of your life.
You know your farts
Are bad when the smell even
Chases you from the room.
Dear Microsoft Office,
The word ‘fart’ is the least offensive of the offensive words I will be writing today. I hope I do not offend your delicate sensibilities. However, you never highlight the word ‘sucks.’ You must have never thought about exactly what I claim you are sucking when I tell you, you suck.
The Childish Writer Who Likes to Write the Word ‘Fart”
When someone tells you
You are (looking at)smelling a (piece of art)Fart
But you are not sure you believe them.
The darkness of night
The alarm clock’s faint green glow
The fart that wakes you
This man sleeping late
With really really egg farts
With really smelling egg farts
Just wants to go to school