Getting Around to the End

Ok, ok… Now settle down y’all two. It was an accident. And I do owe y’all an apology. I’s careless and wasn’t watching where I was going.

No, now… You don’t need to be getting all pushy. Y’all are gonna sit a spell and y’all are gonna listen. ‘Cause I do owe ya an apology, but it hurt when y’all bumped into me, and ya nearly knocked me onto my keister. I don’t know why y’all need to be running around a corner like that without a’lookin where you’s goin.

Now, now… I’s apologizing, and I think it’d be quite nice if ya took your hands off me your rumplin’ my clothes. Look, I’m sorry, and I’m apologizing. But if ya were runnin’ and ya weren’t a’lookin, I’d say that’s your’n own fault.

Your’n…

Your’n own…

It’s short for ‘Your own.’

Ok, you’re right. ‘Your’n own,’ ‘Your own own’ does sound a might repetitious.

Ok, yeah… Well, I’m from Mississippi, or rather, I been there for a while, now.

I good while. Why?

Well, what’s it matter, how long I been there?

Yeah. Well, y’all sound funny to me, too. Where the hell are we anyway?

Well, is that so? Ya know, y’all knocked me pretty hard, and I might be thinking you’d be all confused and mixed up if I’d a been the one to knock into you. And you know a couple of grown fellers like yourselves, might ought not to be using such colorful language. I can cuss, too. You know. I just choose my language a little more carefully. Could be some lady might come around that corner hearing y’all… you two. Might come around the corner hearing you two, and she might get some ideas about how both of you have been raised.

Of course, I hadn’t said nothing. I was apologizing. Have I ever told you two about my buddies, Pete and Freddy?

Oh, you don’t huh? Well, there was this time when I was a bit younger. I was in high school. You know it is hard to keep my language cleaned up for city folks like yourselves. I was in high school, and I knew these two girls. And I was at one’s house and her friend was over…

Well, I was going to be getting to some titties. I figured a couple of young men might be interested in a story about titties.

Ok, how about peckers then? I spent some time in the Navy in my younger days, and we’d have to shower all together. Yep, this was only basic training, you see. The rest of the time, we had separate showers. But there was this one feller and his pecker was swinging right around his knees.

Are you sure, you don’t want to hear about this? I was just about to be getting to the feller with the tiniest pecker you ever did see.

No. No, no. It wasn’t me. Mine is about near average. Nothing special. Look, it took me years to realize that if you go around talking about how big your pecker is, people are going to get a look one way or another. And they are going to know you’re a liar.

Oh, huh. You don’t care about that either. Well, those two folks you two were chasing seem to be good and gone, and y’all can get on about your business if y’all are sure. I mean sure, sure you don’t to hear one of my stories. They are a hoot if ya ever let me get around to the end.

6 thoughts on “Getting Around to the End

  1. Totally. I write like that a lot so I had no trouble following your story. Are you familiar with Sean Dietrich? I read his stuff on Facebook. He has a similar style of writing and I find it very entertaining. He’s also a damn good writer!

    Liked by 1 person

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