This is something that people really need to understand: your writing does not and cannot accurately represent how you feel or what you believe. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to get everything down on paper accurately. There are always nuances that don’t or can’t make it to the paper.
I write emotions because they say a character can’t exist without some feeling. What am I but a character on a page, the reality of living isn’t really that big of a deal. Unreal characters last longer than humans. They grace a page and stay forever, testing even a theory on the test of time. Random. I blog has to be random of it is a personal blog because what life ever follows a sequence? A perfect pattern presents a fake stamp of approval. It is not real.
Train wreck. They say those lines about trains and wrecks and such, but what people really mean is “you are fucked up.” Sure I am. I’m sitting here laying down in Hanes underwear typing on an iPhone at 1:30 am and my other hand is holding a Stella. That is about as wrecked as you can get.